I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
this will be a night to untag.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
