R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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