Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sobbing to NWA
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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