you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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