you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
