Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
