you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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