just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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