sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
