There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This is my gift to your gina
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
