In the future we'll all be gay
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
