Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
