you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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