I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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