I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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