There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
