I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize