are you so shy because you have an std?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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