He kissed a someone with a penis
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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