Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
this is an emotional support booty call
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize