I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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