what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
