We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
