K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
