I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
