Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
