New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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