I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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