ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
