At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
