do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
