CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
