id be glad to
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
