He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
