I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
