I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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