WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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