my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
