Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
