i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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