We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
