yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
