i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
