He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
