it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
