All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
