im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize