You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
