hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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