there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
