He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
