some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We left the knife in your bed.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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