he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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