I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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