Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
