I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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