i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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