I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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