Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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