Already got asked if we're dating
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
