so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
