I have demons in me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Two words: blizzard sex
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
